GEEKERY  
ADVENTURE  
CONTEMPLATION  

20120429

It's not me, it's you.

When I was a kid, I climbed things when I got upset, specifically the 100+ foot tall poplars in our front yard.  Mom and Dad couldn't climb them, and my brother was afraid of heights, so I could totally escape without, you know, actually running away from home, which was too scary a prospect.

It has been a really, really long time since I've been so mad I had to run away from something.  Middle school, probably.  Well, I was angry recently.  We're talking strong emotional reaction where you just have to turn and walk away, perhaps awkwardly ending a conversation, lest you do something more awkward, like physically break something.  The funny thing abut being angry?  It's usually over stupid stuff.

I don't generally have anger issues, nor do I have a hard time getting on with people, in general.  Sure, I make mistakes, have awkward moments, and dislike certain people, but actual anger is incredibly rare.  (And it scares me; I don't like it.)  I keep having a dialog in my head about how the other person was being unreasonable, and it wasn't their place, and they had this issue or that issue.  I know I could have been more calm or reasonable, but part of me has to ask, how much of this is my fault?

But then I say, screw introspection.  I mucked up some stuff, they mucked up some other stuff.  I learned a little and now I'm moving on.  Dwelling on this isn't worth my time, because unlike climbing trees, it isn't fun.

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